Lon Harris

Roger Ebert Speaks!

Roger Ebert, who had a portion of his jaw removed after a prolonged bout with thyroid cancer, will appear on "Oprah" today to show off his new voice, made possible by a Scottish company that designs text-to-speech programs. Basically, hours and hours of archived footage of Ebert's TV appearances have been cataloged, allowing him to type out language and have it repeated in his own speaking voice. The program can even do inflections, so if he writes an exclamation, his "voice" will shout what was typed.

Obviously, it's not perfect, but it's still fairly effective, and does at least simulate the effect of hearing the guy speak. Ebert's always been one of my favorite writers about film, and the few times I met him in person or corresponded with him, seemed like a genuinely good person. It's pretty inspiring to see him pushing on after all that tragedy...Hard to even fathom what it would be like to lose the ability to eat normal foods, speak, etc., especially for such an outspoken and active individual.

We're working on the Mahalo page right now. Check  back here for more updates and info:

http://www.mahalo.com/roger-ebert
http://www.mahalo.com/roger-ebert-oprah

New "Nightmare on Elm Street" Trailer

The latest, and most detailed, trailer for the new "Nightmare on Elm Street" has debuted online and it's not without its charm. Definitely less jokey and ridiculous than some of the other entries in the series. (I see no indication that anyone will be jerked around, puppet-style, by their veins.) Just watch out for those micro-naps.

Makes me wonder if Jackie Earle Haley ever intends to act in a movie using his regular speaking voice, rather than the gutteral post-Bale whisper-voice.

Also, can we stop the "using children's nursery rhymes in the background to heighten the tension" trick? Starting to feel a bit overdone.

http://www.mahalo.com/a-nightmare-on-elm-street-trailer

Sarah Palin, like all other uptight people, hates Family Guy

"Family Guy" did an episode this past week about a girl in Chris' class who has Down Syndrome. The episode included a humorous line where the girl reveals that she's "the daughter of the former governor of Alaska," an obvious reference to Sarah Palin and her son, Trig. So Palin is apparently quite upset about the whole thing, because of course, SHE owns the exclusive rights to exploit Down Syndrome for personal gain, goddammit!

Anyway, the voice actress, Andrea Fay Friedman, has struck back, declaring what we all pretty much already knew - Sarah Palin has no sense of humor.

Here's the full "Family Guy" episode:

Read more on Mahalo's page:

http://www.mahalo.com/andrea-fay-friedman

Jay-Z Grows Tired of Your Shenanigans

One person who's clearly no longer delighted by parodies of the "Single Ladies" video? Beyonce's husband. Here's Jay-Z and Diddy looking on as Chicago Bulls mascot Benny the Bull performs the infamous "Single Ladies" dance. Sigh...

Gary Coleman Wigs Out on Set of "The Insider"

"Diff'rent Strokes" star Gary Coleman stormed off the set of "The Insider" the other day after a loud, angry confrontation with one of the panelists. Honestly, Coleman's obviously a bit unstable, but I'm not 100% sure this is all his fault, or just another example of him being all crazy. This woman really ambushes him and starts just yelling at him. It's less an interview than a wind-up. His only two options were to basically admit to being a spouse-abusing piece of crap (which, okay, he probably is) or to storm off the set. Although, granted, telling her to walk a plan and drown in the ocean may be a bit BIG considering the circumstances:

More info here:

http://www.mahalo.com/gary-coleman-the-insider

Austin pilot leaves behind insane manifesto

Joseph Andrew Stack has been identified as the pilot who crashed a small plane into the Echelon Building in Austin, Texas. He left behind a suicide note that could only be considered, um, extensive. More a manifesto than a note, really. It's always fascinating to me when suicidal people have this much to say. You'd think that, if you had all of these ideas to get off your chest, you would want to spend more time writing and speaking and expressing yourself, rather than taking the cowardly way out and ending it all.

The manifesto is as compelling as it is dumbfounding. A lot of blather about the evils of capitalism, the medical system, politicians and corporate greed. You can read the whole thing on our Mahalo page:

http://www.mahalo.com/joseph-andrew-stack

RIP Doug Fieger

It's hard to even conceive of the ubiquity of The Knack's "My Sharona." This is a song that every human being in the West over the age of, say, 10 has heard eleventy bazillion times. You hear it so much, it becomes kind of shrill and annoying, when in reality it's a pretty ingeniously simple, catchy little pop song. An ideal radio single.

Anyway, the man behind that song, singer-songwriter Doug Fieger, died from cancer today at age 57. He wrote some other popular songs, too, but none of them were THIS big. Once Weird Al has parodied you, that's how you know you've truly arrived.

So maybe it's time to give the song another listen, with fresh ears.

http://www.mahalo.com/doug-fieger

Is Kevin Smith Too Fat to Fly?

This is an issue that, of course, hits home for me, not only because Kevin Smith is a great guy who should not be disrespected in this way, but because he and I share a similar...um, girth. So it's pretty much inevitable at this point that I will, some day, be asked to remove my oversized ass from a Southwest flight.

Here's the story: Smith was already seated on a Southwest flight from Oakland to Burbank before being approached by a flight attendant and asked to leave the plane. Apparently, the captain felt that Smith was too large to fly on the plane and posed a "safety risk" to other passengers.

This just seems ridiculous, both because Smith is clearly not a morbidly obese individual who could actually prevent the flight from arriving safely, and because he was already sitting in the seat. What could go wrong at that point? He'd get up to use the restroom and put on an extra pound, thus making it impossible for him to sit back down?

It's one thing for airlines to set weight policies as a matter of safety and logistics. But it's another for them to publicly abuse and discriminate against people due to their size without merit. Hard to say, without knowing all the details (I'm judging the entire situation based on Kevin's Twitter feed at this point), but this seems like a case of pretty extreme overreach by Southwest, and a decision they'll probably regret soon enough now that everything is public.

Bonus question for Smith fans: Which is the more hilariously cringe-inducing Smith weight-related confessional? Getting kicked off a plane because he's too fat, or breaking the toilet at Laser Blazer, the DVD store where I used to work? You decide!

Read more about the incident here: http://www.mahalo.com/kevin-smith-southwest-airlines

BioShock 2 Walkthrough

We're hard at work right now filling out our BioShock 2 Walkthrough over on Mahalo. Looks like our writers have reached about the 4th Area, "Pauper's Drop." Can't believe this game has been out all this time and I still don't have it yet. The first one is seriously among my favorite games ever. So much atmosphere, and such a great narrative...It may be the single best written video game of all time.

Anyway, I love the ability to use plasmids and weapons simultaneously in the new game,a nd it looks just as creepy and intense this time out. Can. Not. Wait.

http://www.mahalo.com/bioshock-2-walkthrough

Best Ads of Super Bowl 2010: Simpsons for Coca-Cola

Here's my next favorite early Super Bowl 2010 commercial: A bit based on "The Simpsons" in which billionaire C. Montgomery Burns falls on hard economic times. He takes a walk in the park and discovers everyone enjoying Coca-Colas, only to be given one for free by shopkeeper Apu.  Can Coca-Cola turn even the most misanthropic miser around? Let's find out together!

http://www.mahalo.com/coca-cola-super-bowl-ads-2010