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Let me preface by saying that I like the Muppets, have a tremendous amount of respect for the artistry and creativity of Jim Henson and his team and already have tickets to the new "Muppets" film for later this week. Having said that...

You really have to give it up to Disney for marketing the shit out of this property over the last couple of years online. I'm old enough to recall nobody really giving a crap about Muppets any more and feeling like the loss of Henson killed the franchise. (Remember "Muppets Tonight"? Yeah, no one does!) Yet there is more excitement for this upcoming film than any Muppet property I can recall, and this includes Henson projects when he was still alive, like "Dark Crystal," "Storyteller" or "Labyrinth."

I also got a chance to revisit Season 1 of "The Muppet Show" not too long ago, and was surprised to see that it mainly consisted not of brilliant, savvy, highbrow comedy, but of a lot of puppets rhythmically swinging side-to-side, with the occasional one-liner thrown in for good measure. (They were very big on the "this Muppet/human guest star is stealing the spotlight but I want it for myself!" bit in those early days.) I know the show picked up in later seasons, but we also have a tendency to just remember the classic "Mahna Mahna" moments. Likewise, "Great Muppet Caper" is really the only film in the franchise to hold up the entire way through. "Muppet Movie" is good but kind of drags, and even the remembered-as-a-classic "Muppets Take Manhattan" is pretty flat and oddly-serious (almost creepy) in its final half hour.

Not sure what, if anything, has actually changed, aside from a brilliant YouTube campaign and some killer tongue-in-cheek TV spots. But it occurs to me that Jason Segal and the new filmmakers and cast have the challenge of not just updating the Muppets but also making it actually live up to the somewhat unreasonable expectations the marketing has created. I hope they get there.

[Photo is Kermit and Piggy with Avery Schreiber. How could kids NOT be into this?]

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Hi Team -

You seem like a busy, industrious group of professionals, so I'll get right to the point.

You're taking too long. I have no idea what you're shooting, but you have been camped out at this single location for weeks now. If this is a movie shoot, that movie is going to be seriously stagnant. (Was it based on a play? I still recommend breaking up the dialogue-heavy scenes with more interstitial action, at this point, or you're likely to only get attention if you have some mega-watt stars in there and it opens in late December.)

Unless Stan Kubrick has risen from the grave to make an "Eyes Wide Shut" follow-up, or the entire next season of "The Walking Dead" concerns the gang looking for Sophia on this one street (granted, this is a possibility), I can't imagine your project is really going to require this much coverage. We're talking about the entrance to one building and a side of MacArthur Park.

Normally, this wouldn't really bother me. (Or, it might, but I'd keep it to myself.) But the frankly ludicrous amount of trucks, equipment, parked period automobiles and people standing around that you have brought with you are clogging up the nearby streets, and thus unnecessarily extending my commute home each night. One evening, I was at a dead-stop for over 10 minutes while you filmed some kind of shootout (probably to prevent anachronistic cars from appearing in the background of the shot.) As a cinema-lover, I'm willing to indulge a passionate filmmaking collective and put up with a certain amount of inconvenience... but I have my limits.

Also, isn't this location kind of cliche and overused? I've seen MacArthur Park in a ton of other movies and TV shows lately. It figures prominently into this season of "American Horror Story." Didn't you see "Drive"? That's right where Ryan Gosling met Christina Hendricks for the first time. Is it just because there's that famous song about the cake in the rain set there? I gotta level with you - most people hate that song, and I'm betting the majority of you're audience doesn't even know what the hell I'm talking about right now.

The point is, there are any number of interesting LA parks that are not directly on my way home, and thus would be preferable for you to use as a setting for your latest opus. If you're interested, I'd be delighted to take on the role of "emergency last minute location scout" and provide some helpful suggestions for a small fee. Which you can clearly afford because you're shutting down whole city blocks in Los Angeles for weeks at a time.

In closing, let me just say that if this anything related to the next season of "Mad Men," the forthcoming "Batman" film or anything associated with David Fincher, Martin Scorsese, Terrence Malick, the Coen Brothers or any other filmmakers I respect and admire, I withdraw my argument. But I doubt it.

[UPDATE: Ace Googler Doug Tyrrell informs me that the film being shot is "Gangster Squad," starring everyone's favorite dreamboat/murderer with a heart of gold, Ryan "The Gos" Gosling. I do want to see this movie, which as the title suggests is about a group of cops who target iconic LA crime lord Mickey Cohen, played by Sean Penn. But I'm still irritated that it's taking so freaking long.]

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